I Still Need You
by Lady Dudley
Summary: CAUTION: Contains spoilers. A companion piece of sorts to 'Sixes & Sevens,' this is my take on Sherlock's thoughts/motivations during series 3. *FINAL CHAPTER ADDED*
1. Chapter 1

**CAUTION: Contains spoilers.**

**A/N: I'm still exorcising my angsty-Sherlolly demons. This is sort of a companion piece to 'Sixes & Sevens' and is set during TEH when Sherlock's eating chips by himself, in the dark at 221B. The opening conversation is based on the L&O:SVU episode 'Infiltrated.' Hope you like it :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

_**I Still Need You**_

…  
_Just say I need her  
As roses need the rain  
And tell her that without her  
My dreams are all in vain_

_If you should chance to meet her_  
_Anytime anywhere_  
_I was a fool to leave her_  
_Tell her how much a fool can care_  
_And if she tells you_  
_She's lonely now and then_  
_Won't you just say I love her_  
_And want her back again_  
-'Just Say I Love Her,' Dean Martin  
…

"..._Molly…Molly…Molly…"  
"Who's Molly?"  
"What?"  
"You were mumbling her name, who is she?"  
"Did I say anything else?"  
"All I could make out was 'Molly,' come on, spill, who is she?"  
"No one."  
"It didn't sound like no one."_

"That's because she's not," Sherlock muttered to himself as he shoved another chip in his mouth.

That particular conversation had taken place several months ago when he'd woken himself up by talking in his sleep. An unfortunate slip considering he was sharing a room with one of the lesser members of Moriarty's network.

Sherlock had then spent the next couple of weeks on edge, worried about what else he might have revealed and trying to come to terms about what his mumbling had revealed to himself.

He already knew that he missed her, missed everyone in fact, but he hadn't realised how deep his loneliness had run until that moment. He hadn't realised how much she _mattered. _

_What a shame that the realisation came too late_, he thought bitterly as he ate another chip.

Today had been a mistake, he should never have taken her along with him as his assistant. But he'd wanted just one day with her, one perfect day before he had to give her up forever.

Only now he wanted more than just a day, he wanted what he'd always wanted: he wanted forever.

"Selfish," he censored himself, plopping another chip in his mouth.

She deserved to be happy and if she was happy with this…_Tom_ person, then he wasn't going to stand in her way. And yet the look in her eyes after he'd wished her well haunted him, made him wonder whether she truly was happy or if he still had a chance.

He sighed heavily and tilted his head back against the headrest to stare at the ceiling; the problem was he wasn't sure which option he wanted.

He wanted her to be happy, but he _really_ wanted her to be happy with him. Only he wasn't sure that he _could_ make her happy.

She deserved to be happy, but he certainly didn't deserve her.

He sighed again, his return was meant to be easy: he would see John; John would forgive him and they would be as they were before. Then, he would see Molly; Molly would have waited and he could _finally_ give up all pretence that she didn't matter.

But none of his carefully laid plans and imagined scenarios had worked out the way he'd thought or wanted.

John was still angry with him and Molly had moved on.

He closed his eyes at the last thought, a little ashamed by how deeply it hurt that she belonged to another.

"_But you can't do this again, can you?"_

"No," he murmured, slowly opening his eyes, "you can't. But I wish you could."

His throat constricted painfully as he blinked back his tears and when he next spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper.

"I still need you."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much for all your reviews/favourites :) Now, just a couple of things before you read this update: firstly, I chose the song because it just fit the way I saw Sherlock at the end of TSoT :) Secondly, this might have a bit of a weird feel to it but that's partly because Sherlock seemed rather off kilter in this episode and I like to think it's because he was distracted by Molly (and her date). This update is based around why I think that might be. Hope you enjoy :)**

…  
_Swaying room as the music starts  
Strangers making the most of the dark  
Two by two their bodies become one  
I see you through the smoky air  
Can't you feel the weight of my stare  
You're so close but still a world away  
What I'm dying to say, is that_

_I'm crazy for you_  
_Touch me once and you'll know it's true_  
_I never wanted anyone like this_  
_It's all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss_  
_I'm crazy for you, crazy for you_  
-'Crazy For You,' Madonna  
…

Yellow was a particularly hideous colour.

It was so _bright_, so _cheerful_ and so…_Molly_.

It wasn't until she'd arrived in that dress with the infernal bow that made it impossible for him to look away, that Sherlock realised why he'd suggested yellow as the colour scheme for the wedding.

Yellow was Molly's colour.

The wing (that he never conceded was bigger than a room) dedicated to her in his Mind Palace was flooded with yellow light, a colour that he always associated with her. It was bright and cheerful and warm, just like she was.

It was _dreadfully_ sentimental, and a little sickening, but she was his sunshine.

Only she wasn't _his_, she was _Tom's_.

Even though his eyes had drifted in her direction on more than one occasion throughout his speech, drawing strength from her presence and the small smile on her face. Even though he'd sought her out for reassurance when he'd thought things had gone horribly, _Tom _was the one sitting at her elbow.

And _Tom_ was the one dancing with her at the reception.

Despite the hopes he had been entertaining from what her eyes had told him in a couple of unguarded moments, Tom was still the one she'd be leaving with.

Not even the rapport he'd cultivated with Janine in order to get a rise out of his pathologist had succeeded beyond seeming to make her unhappy. He'd stopped after that; having sworn to never intentionally make her unhappy again.

It had been that particular revelation that made him leave early, no longer able to stand having her so near and yet so far.

Only to return to Baker Street where most of the wedding preparations were still lying around the living room.

It had only taken one look after his earlier realisation about the colour scheme for him to realise that _every_ suggestion he'd made had been with Molly in mind. It had been pure chance that John and Mary had liked them as well.

Sherlock flopped into his chair with a heavy sigh; shutting his eyes he blocked out the room and all the unpleasant memories of the day as he sank into his Mind Palace.

In his mind's eye he saw Molly looking up him, the radiance of her smile rivalled only by the brightness of her yellow dress. Still smiling she linked arms with him, standing on tiptoe to peck him on the cheek as she did so. He found himself smiling warmly down at her in response, admiring the way the dress complimented her colouring.

Yellow was such a lovely colour.

So _bright_, so _cheerful_ and so…_Molly_.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I apologise for the delay in updating - but the last few days have been a little crazy and we just had high temperatures all last week (44**°**C during the day and 30**°**C at night). Anyways, I hope you enjoy this (last) chapter. I tried to keep this and 'Sixes & Sevens' as canon as possible, but I am gearing up for a third story to round off the set, so watch this space :) Thanks for all the reviews/favourites/follows! xx**

…  
_I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you  
I know you were right believing for so long  
I'm all out of love, what am I without you?  
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong_  
-'All Out Of Love,' Air Supply  
…

He'd really done it this time.

He'd thought – hoped, even _prayed_ – that she would forgive him for taking drugs again.

He hadn't been lying, it was all for a case and he'd hoped to be able to explain it all to her in time. To beg for her forgiveness if necessary.

Then Mary had shot him and he'd thought that maybe he wouldn't have to do anything; that it would all be forgiven in the wake of his near death experience.

But she never came to see him.

Not even once.

He pretended it didn't bother him, he had a case to work on after all.

A case that provided a convenient excuse not to seek her out himself – he was too busy, too preoccupied, too…too ashamed to face her and too scared to see the disappointment in her eyes.

Her anger he could cope with but not her disappointment.

Or her continued silence.

But he didn't know how to fix it. He knew himself well enough to know that there was a very real possibility that he would only make matters worse and he had no one to turn to for help.

John and Mary had their own demons to face and he would never even _consider_ going to anyone else for advice in this delicate matter.

So he just left it, hoping that it would just go away or that she would make the first move.

Then everything had gone wrong (or right, he had after all kept his vow) and he'd found himself on a plane flying towards almost certain death.

He couldn't even bring himself to retreat into his Mind Palace, knowing that all he would find there would be her and he didn't deserve her comfort. Not after the way he'd left things.

He hadn't even said good bye.

He fiddled with his phone absently, wondering whether he would be brave enough to say something _now_ when there was nothing left to lose.

He was halfway through a long text to her when Mycroft called him; perhaps he wouldn't have to say good bye after all.


End file.
